Unwanted child Part 2

# part2 wetting the bed at night isn’t enough now you do it during the day . Helen

Hell hath no furry

My heart has swelled with forcible rage
Like that of a monster burning in hell
My blood has thickened into boiling lava
that’s burning my lungs and stealing my breathThe rage has swelled up to my eyes
the tears that are flowing I’m drowning in
as my child within screams please let me hide
all I can see is black insideMy stomach is twisting and knotted so tight
and the pain that I feel I’m sure to die
the vomit I spill comes up like a knife
as it cuts open wounds that never will  heal My legs are weak as they try to run
My anger says kill the bastardly ones
The abuse of a child kills mind and soul
an adhesive that is carried right through to death 
Written by E.M.Rushton all copyrights ©️reserved by E.M Rushton 2015
This is how I feel when someone speaks of child abuse

When Helen discovers the wet bed, she flies into a rage. “Wetting the bed at night isn’t enough anymore, now you have to do it during the day?” Helen scolds Sam as she addresses Sam as “Piss Ass”. While Sam is being scolded she tries to physic herself up to what is happening and what is coming. She has no words to defend herself except to say that she did not do it on purpose and she is sorry. As Helen stood over Sam while Sam stripped the bed, Sam is beaten and told how lazy she is. Sam is then led down the stairs with Helen pulling her by the ear. Sam fights to keep her balance to keep from falling down the stairs. Somewhere deep in the back of her mind, Sam wishes she would fall down the stairs so she could hurt herself bad enough to land in the hospital away from Helen and Peter.

Every morning starts the same. As Sam wakes up wet, she says to herself before getting out of bed “Oh God I’m wet again” as she fills with fear and becomes panic stricken. She could not figure out why she wet the bed, but she knew she just could not wake up. Now that Sam is an adult she figures she did it due to the hell she lived in from day to day. Most days like weekends and holidays spent home, she cried ninety five percent of the time.

“Get out there and get those pissy sheets washed and you have 15 minutes to do it” Helen told Sam as she pushes her out the door. If it was a school morning, Sam would sometimes get off without having to do her morning chore but not very often, and if she did she would surely pay for it after school.

As Sam is pushed out the door crying, Helen locks the door so Sam won’t enter before being done her wash. She tries to explain she cannot do it because it is too cold. As she buttons her coat, she heads towards the barn, where she must fill a five gallon bucket full of cold water from the steel pump. She must then carry it back to the house where outside she fills the old tin wash tub.

As she gets her bucket from behind the cattle stable, she thinks about being in the barn, well at least she’s away from Helen even if it is just for a few minutes. The smell of the hay gives her a sense of comfort somehow.

Sam feels like a total outcast with this family because everybody else is inside preparing for the day. Mitchell and Leonard are getting dressed and having breakfast. They never tried to defend Sam while being tormented by Helen, Who would really blame them as long as Helen was on Sam’s back, she was leaving them alone. Mitchell was spoiled rotten. There were times Leonard was treated harshly but it never came close to Sam’s treatment, Sometimes Leonard and Sam would talk about running away together but in the end Leonard always chickened out.

Now comes the hard part of carrying the bucket of water from the barn to the house. Every now and then she must stop to put her hands in her pockets to warm them up since she isn’t allowed to wear mittens. After passing the big maple tree on her right and the garage on the other side, she knows she has reached the halfway mark. She looks at the house, almost feeling the warmth inside. Out here it is below the freezing mark. Finally she reaches the house but not without getting herself wet which she knows she will pay for later. Pouring the water in the wash tub, she spills more water on herself and she has used up most of her time by the times she gets her second bucket to the house. The water is cold as she scrubs the sheets on the old wash board. The more she tries to

hurry the longer it takes her. Helen never gives her soap to use, but she must rinse them adding two more buckets of water that she carried.

Helen appears in the window pointing to her watch. Her time is used up. As Sam wrings the sheets out, her hands turn white form cold. Now she tries to hang the clothes on the line but it is difficult due to them freezing. After she is done and in the house, her hands pain something terrible as they warm up. Sam wishes this task was the end of her punishment for the day over the bedwetting but it isn’t. She is tortured throughout the day. It does not end until Helen and Peter are in bed asleep for the night.

Some of the direct punishment Sam receives for wetting the bed is most unusual, cruel and harsh i.e. the days she has to wear plastic baby pants to school under her regular clothing even in grades four and five. There was this one day Sam must wear her yellow blouse with “Piss Ass” written on the back of it to her one and only friend’s home. This is the only time she is allowed to go to her friend’s place. As Sam walks down the old dirt road, any dignity she had was stripped away from her. She has a hard time explaining it to her friend. Sam’s friend really didn’t never seemed to cease. Helen always came up with new ideas to torture Sam. There were many times Sam wasn’t allowed to wear any clothes while at home. Helen would claim that if Sam didn’t wear any clothes then there would be none to wash. This was very embarrassing for Sam especially because of the boys and the grandfather. Sam would refuse to go outside where the boys were but Helen would go behind with a belt or switch, hitting her, and forcing her .
Then there were the times Helen would make Sam sit in tubs of scalding hot water or ice cold water insisting this would take the pissy stink away.
Sam always had a hard time in school and Helen let it be known and she’d rub Sam’s nose into the fact her foster brother, Leonard, was doing better than her. Leonard was always receiving A’s and even a B+ wouldn’t be enough to stand up to an A.
Sitting at the kitchen table doing homework was a nightmare for Sam. With Leonard at one end and Sam at the other doing homework, Helen does up some supper dishes. As Sam pretends she is figuring out a question, she gets nervous and fidgety in her chair. She doesn’t have a clue to what her work is about but she knows if she were to ask Helen for help that would only receive a statement of “I
ain’t the one doing the homework so figure it out for yourself and you have ten minutes to have it done”. Eventually either Leonard would be the one to show Sam how to do the work ordered by Helen or Sam would be called stupid and made to put the homework away and passed in undone. In grade three Sam failed and that meant more name calling by Helen and Leonard would be in Sam’s class the following year. It also meant Leonard would report to Helen everything Sam did.
After Sam failed third grade, there was a lady sent to the school to spend an hour with Sam once or twice a week. It is not known if she was a tutor or a physiologist. Sam liked this lady a lot, actually she worshipped her.
With a pretty good idea that Mrs. Black the Social worker, will be in today Helen makes sure that the kids know they are to be seen and not heard. Chances are the kids will be sent outside or to the TV room. The only time Sam saw the TV was when company came. Usually the kids are in school on the day Mrs Black visits but today is a school holiday. The children rarely have a chance to talk to the social worker especially about something that may be bothering them.
Sam sits at the kitchen table writing “I will not lie again” one hundred times while Helen hivers over her telling her how much of a liar she is. Sam was constantly
called a liar when she did not lie. Leonard and Mitchell are outside playing while Peter is off to work.
After Mrs. Black’s car is sighted coming up the driveway Sam is told to put her work away and then as she is sent to the TV room for the kids she is reminded to be seen and not heard.

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